She Idealist

Idealism over Realism… yes please!!

Is “He” the ONE?

This is not an article that I personally wrote – it was sent to me by my mother at the beginning of this year after a regular “mommy-daughter” talk about boys. 🙂  As a good mother, she redirected my questions and concerns to what I truly should be searching for.  Something it is VERY hard to read, and follow, and I can admit that the first time I read it I said to my mother, “UGH, Thanks Mom…. that’s not what I wanted to hear right now!”…. however, I can attest to you personally that I reread this very article time & time again…. and it does help refocus you.  Ladies this is something you should definitely share with a friend,  whether you are single or married… It is something to think about,  When you ask Is “He” the ONE?  

 

Is "He" the ONE?Is HE the ONE?
by Ivorie Billings on Monday, October 11, 2010 at 12:39am

THE RIGHT ONE First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one.
“What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third? you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).  The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love!  Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life” (Proverbs 4:23)! Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.  Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.  Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.  Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.  But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man  have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ?  Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to  God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an  important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed  relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family –  the family of God?  You need to have common interests and values and agree on the  essentials of living day-to-day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You  eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You  have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life  issues.  You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some  truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare  better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? I f you want to be married  and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.  Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married  and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy  says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously.  If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the  right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for  you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear.  No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives  favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).  Note – who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of  time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to  put them together.  At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find  you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his  mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You  do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to  help a guy out because he’s shy!  Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The  man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in  his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your  hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign  that he is not interested.  Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a  man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it  actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love  him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the  ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make  you feel all right about yourself.  You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select  you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful  as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the  ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.  Again – WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the  lead in establishing the relationship. You may have inkling that he  is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the  relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first  act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They  should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only  into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his  intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take  care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he  needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means  to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather  flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man  and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you  haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that  might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put  his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the  rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her?  This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men  who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really  don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and  son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut.  Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your  life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of  drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making  commitments –including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem  always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk  it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember  all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some  begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in  your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the  right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that  vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING  his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is  busy doing what he was created and called to do. I s the man in your  life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life  to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a  most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where  YOU want to go in life.  A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission  statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and  assistant because he want s you both to make it! A man who cannot be  supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of  uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to  hold forever.
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get  the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you  and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you  with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ.  Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his  home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you,  and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has  ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his  gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the  two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the  lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate  your gifts in an attractive and effective way?  This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts  beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the  fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next  purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find  that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go  with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a  proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to  completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost.  Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically?  Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in  the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in  your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of  you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that  causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or  that you have to work for love, is too expensive!  God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only  materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You  should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man  of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into  your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure  the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and  has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will  care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love  for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not  something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher.  That is out of spiritual order. I n his rightful place as your personal  priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.  If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your  walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be  distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too  expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal  love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If  you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love  for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union  will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love  worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve.  God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth  His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the  example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride.  Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age,  men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth  of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and  no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Our prayer: Dear Heavenly Father God, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been  with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to  leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your  hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with  what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me,  let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like.  Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I  embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of  Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of  those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You  know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and  keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until  the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant  me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me   from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see.  Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own  understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I  yield to Your choice. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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