What has happened to chivalry?
It is 2018. The age of women’s empowerment! And seemingly the age of the death of old-world chivalry, especially in the world of dating and courtship (which seems to have died as well).
Throughout history, men have traveled oceans for, fought wars for, killed and died for a woman they loved. Men, were the pursuers, the hunters, the chivalrous predators. Women, throughout history, were not all meek mild-mannered subservient beings without rights, mind you. Many strong powerful historical women were in leadership and had much effect on history. And women have been the cause of history book stories of men, more times than not. My mother used to state, “a man may be the head of the house, but the woman turns the neck.” haha… there’s so much truth in that comical statement though.
Back to the point of this post though…
I have been beyond surprised in today’s dating world – since I’m part of it – in the meek mild-mannered backward ways of most guys. I can’t even bring myself to call these ones men right now. Because a “man” acts like a man and not like a…. whatever this is today.
Before I come off sounding jaded or cynical, let me clarify. There’s one side of me that is overly understanding and compassionate about issues men do have to deal with today that they didn’t have to deal with long ago. Yet the other side of me shrugs my shoulder in a “yeah, we’ve been dealing with that and more for years as women!” Am I right, women?! hahaha You see, today, men not only have to deal with women not acting much like “women”, they also have to deal with society pushing a “new definition of masculinity” down their throats. (Yes, women are dealing with the same reverse stereotype teaching right now too, sadly.) All of this combined with so much else, cannot be easy to maneuver mentally or even emotionally.
I have been guilty of asking a man what his emotions were on a subject or certain circumstance that happened. The most “manly” response I ever received was, “When I know I have to do something, I shut down emotions. I can do difficult things.” This is probably the most legitimate masculine honest response. You see, men’s brains are scientifically different than women’s. Women can go back & forth between their logical non-emotional sie as well as their emotional creative sides over and over in the same conversation or situation. Men’s brains are split and they can do one or the other. That’s it… each moment requires them choosing which side they’ll use. Because THEY ARE NOT WOMEN and because of that, do not and cannot respond or react like women do and can.
Look into your history books, and one resounding lesson is women rule by balancing emotion and reason. Men rule by logic and reason mainly purely. They both have their place and are both needed at different times. Each has their strength and their weakness.
Now, to spin this back into dating, there used to be more of what I’ll call a ‘protocol’ that men went by with proper dating. There was a code of conduct… chivalry. Dating initially was polite, proper, and in its right time and place used for information gathering and truly getting to know the other person. If it was decided to move to the next level, it turned into chivalrous courtship. Which usually ultimately led to marriage. And in this entire process, there was decorum, manners, knowing the respectful timing of actions allowed, and their place of properness required throughout. They honored women with respect and kept their crass brut side for time with other men. They went out of their way to impress a woman upon calling on her for a first date. They followed through when they said something.
There was one guy who actually messaged me, “I don’t chase!” To which I simply laughed, and said, “okay” and stopped any interest I had at that moment. Maybe I’m a bit too old school and see men still as the predator, protector, provider…. and so on…. but I’m pretty sure the lion, the wolf, they all chase what they want. And the catch is the reward. So, if you – man – want the woman to step up and be the alpha and do the chasing, don’t be surprised if it’s not you that they chase. Because how much of a prize is catching a man who doesn’t hold you at a high enough value to find you as a prize worth going after anyhow? None.
I’ll use a sexual innuendo reference as a guide here to paint a visual picture. I was having this conversation just this week with someone… so I’ll repeat it here, as it is a good analogy for this situation. We were talking about the power play in sex. They referenced the man’s desire for some control and alpha moments in the bedroom. I explained how a lot of times, even when a woman takes a power play role, it’s to push the man to take it back… in a respectful way of course.
You see, there is an underlying desire for man/woman roles in most of us. However much you want to fight it or deny it, the truth is, when you see a TRUE example of a great man and a great woman individually and together, it is awe inspiring! This is why Hollywood is so successful. The dream of such things again.
So, why can’t we find it? Why is it so hard to put into actual action; the being a “man” and a “woman” in all the power that holds. If only people realized the power in that.
A lady… dreaming of a man…
Sonya Mae… She Idealist.